Shattered Dream
by cjgwilliams
Summary: Part of The Agent and the Advocate Series. Tris and Tobias lose something they both wanted.


A/N: This is something a little different but very close to my heart. Major and eternal thanks to Milner and BK2U for beta and editing services. To my Tumbler friends, love and thanks for the support.

The steady beeping of the heart monitor was actually soothing to Caleb: it meant his sister was still alive. Caleb shifted in the uncomfortable chair and looked at Beatrice again. She was pale, he observed, but given how much blood she'd lost, that wasn't surprising. At least she was sleeping peacefully.

Caleb knew he wasn't the best brother. After their parents died, he had buried himself in research, staying in California to finish his PhD. He'd thrown himself into his studies so completely that he'd eventually lost most of his friends and driven off his fiancée, Susan. He knew Beatrice had been disappointed that he'd stayed away from Chicago and ruined things with Susan. It's why he decided to accept a faculty position at Northwestern, and in the year he'd been back, Caleb had focused on trying to repair his damaged relationship with his sister.

He glanced at his phone. Tobias hadn't texted him since he'd gotten in the cab, but Caleb knew he'd be here soon.

As if he'd conjured him, Tobias appeared in the doorway. His suit was rumpled, but that wasn't surprising, given that he'd been traveling for the last five hours. He needed a shave and he looked like he'd been obsessively running his hands through his hair. Tobias dropped his messenger bag on the small couch against the wall as Caleb stood and walked over to him; they hugged briefly.

"How is she?" Tobias asked anxiously.

Caleb tugged on his arm and pulled him into the hallway so they wouldn't disturb Tris. "She's finally resting. They had to give her a sedative because the pain was too much for her to bear. She lost a lot of blood."

"What the hell happened?"

"They think her going off the birth control pills affected her uterus, causing an ovarian cyst or two to burst. The admitting doctor said she was bleeding pretty heavily." Caleb hesitated; Tobias had been in Washington for a little over a year on a temporary duty assignment. "How much has she been telling you?"

Tobias slumped against the wall. "She said her periods were getting heavier but it was manageable. I told her she should go back on the Pill until my temporary duty was over, but she wanted us to try for a baby as soon as I got home."

Caleb sighed; that sounded exactly like his sister. "Tobias," he started, trying to find the right words, ultimately deciding it was best to just lay it out, "The admitting doctor is recommending she have a hysterectomy."

The air went out of Tobias's lungs. He stared at Caleb, opening and closing his mouth, squeezing his eyes shut when it felt like a fist clenched his heart. He and Tris had put off kids their first four years of marriage. They agreed they wanted a house first, then the 18-month TDY assignment had come up, putting Tobias on the fast track to supervisor. He hadn't wanted to be away from her for so long, but Tris convinced him it was best for his career and their family in the long run. They saw each other at least twice a month, with Tobias able to come home for one long weekend and Tris making the trip when he didn't.

Caleb squeezed Tobias's shoulder. "There's more. They found a bunch of tumors in the ultrasound. Her regular OB/GYN will be here in the morning to examine her and give you both a second opinion, but they wanted to keep her overnight because she was so weak and in so much pain."

Tobias opened his eyes. "I'm not going to lose her, am I?" he asked, his voice soft and small.

"No. She'll be okay. You just might not be able to have kids together."

Tobias straightened. "I can live with that as long as I have her." He glanced at his watch. "It's after nine. Why don't you go home and get some sleep."

Caleb nodded. "Let me text Will and Christina. They're downstairs in the lounge." He pulled out his phone, texting quickly; it seemed like only seconds later that Will and Christina appeared.

Christina pulled Tobias into a hug. "You look like hell."

He chuckled weakly and pulled back to look at her. "So do you." Christina's hair, normally perfectly styled, was hastily pulled back in a ponytail, and her lipstick was long gone. Even her eye makeup was smudged from wiping her tears. "Were you there?" He asked.

Chris bit her lip. "Yeah. We'd just finished a staff meeting and Tris got this funny look on her face when she stood up. Next thing I knew, she was bent over and blood was spreading down her leg. Then she just collapsed, and we called the ambulance." Tobias reached out and squeezed her arm. "Did she tell you she'd been spotting for a couple of months?" Chris asked tentatively.

Tobias sighed. "No," he said. "God, I should never have taken this assignment. It made it too easy for her to downplay everything." He laid his head back against the wall.

Christina shrugged. "She wouldn't tell me much, either. She just kept saying that her period sucked." Tears filled her eyes. "At first I thought she was having a miscarriage." Will came up behind her and snuggled her body against his.

Tobias shook his head. "We were waiting until I got home next month to start trying."

Will cleared his throat. "Tobias, do you need us to get you something to eat? You must be hungry."

Tobias smiled weakly. "No, thanks. I couldn't eat now if I wanted to. You guys should go home, though. I'll call you tomorrow and let you know what's going on."

"Are you sure?" Christina looked worried.

"Yeah. Thank you...for everything." Tobias hugged her. He shook Will's hand, pulling him in for a slap on the back. He did the same with Caleb.

"Will, can you and Christina drop me off so I can leave my car for Tobias?" Caleb asked. "We'll switch cars later."

Will nodded. "Yeah, man, no problem."

Caleb nodded. He pulled his car key off the ring and pressed it into Tobias's hand. "It's the green Honda, remember? It's parked in the garage on the upper deck."

Tobias nodded. "Yeah. Thanks, guys. Goodnight."

They headed for the elevator, Christina worriedly looking over her shoulder at him. Tobias peeked into the room to make sure Tris was still sleeping, then pulled out his phone and called his unit chief back in Washington.

"How's your wife?" Brian asked.

"Stable. We have to meet with her doctor in the morning. They think she needs surgery."

"Jesus, Eaton. I'm sorry."

"I don't know if I'm coming back to finish out the TDY," he said.

"Don't worry about it. I talked to your Assistant Special Agent in Charge back there in Chicago and we agreed that since you only had about a month left and you've got plenty of leave, you can just take the time off to care for your wife. That way you can stay in Chicago and we can still consider your TDY complete. I'll have your roommate pack you up and send your stuff."

Tobias was speechless. "Seriously? Sir, I don't…"

"Forget it. You're a good kid and you need to take care of your wife. Work-life balance, remember? It's a serious goal of the Director's."

"Thank you, sir. I really appreciate it."

"Don't mention it. Get back to your wife."

"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir." Tobias turned off his phone and pushed himself off the wall, walking over to Tris as quietly as he could. He bent over her and lightly brushed his lips across hers. "I love you, baby," he whispered.

Tobias pulled off his suit jacket and tie, draping them on the chair next to her bed. He moved the messenger bag off the couch and tried to get comfortable on it; the end moved slightly but not enough for his tall frame. He stretched out as best he could, grabbing his jacket and bunching it up beneath his head. Sighing deeply, he closed his eyes.

Tris awoke to a familiar, low rumbling in between an annoying beep. She opened her eyes slowly, startled by the unfamiliar surroundings. She blinked, recalling she was in the hospital. She vaguely remembering being wheeled into a room, finally numb to the nausea-inducing pain.

She turned her head, expecting to see her brother, but saw Tobias instead. She was both relieved and nervous; if he was here, he must've dropped everything to leave Washington. She didn't want to worry him, which was why she hadn't told him she'd been spotting for the past three months.

Tris picked up the bed's remote control and lifted the back a little. She shifted, trying to push herself up the bed a few inches, but her abdomen was _sore_.

Tobias's eyes suddenly opened and met hers. He lunged off the couch and perched on the side of the bed, grabbing her hand and pressing it to his lips. When he looked up at her, there were tears in her eyes.

"Oh, Tobias. I'm so glad you're here."

He leaned forward, careful not to put any weight on her, and brushed his soft lips across hers. "Baby, why didn't you tell me?"

She sat back, sniffling. "I didn't realize how bad it had gotten. I knew I needed to do something, but I didn't want to deal with it."

They sat in silence, Tobias staring down at her hand. "How much do you remember?"

"Everything."

He looked up. "We'll get through it, Tris."

"Excuse me." They both looked up to see an Indian woman in a lab coat standing in the doorway. She smiled. "Hello, Tris."

"Hi. Tobias, this is my OB/GYN, Dr. Patel. Dr. Patel, my husband, Tobias."

She held out her hand and smiled. Tobias stood and shook her hand. "Hello."

Tobias sat in the chair next to Tris's bed, holding her hand tightly as Dr. Patel looked down at her clipboard. "I've reviewed your ultrasound results and talked to the attending doctor. Tris, I think you did burst an ovarian cyst or two but I'm more concerned about the bleeding. You have five fibroid tumors over three inches in size, one fibroid about two inches, and several smaller ones."

Tobias frowned. "What the hell does that mean? Did the tech just stop counting?" Tris squeezed his hand, silently entreating him to be polite.

Dr. Patel just shrugged. "Yeah, something like that. The problem really is the placement of most of these. The two inch fibroid is in the lining of the uterus, so that one we can remove. The others, however, are more problematic. They are inside the walls of the uterus, and we can't remove them without removing the uterus."

Tris tightened her grip on Tobias's hand. He wished he could climb into the bed and hold her. "What does that mean?" she asked.

Dr. Patel hesitated, looked at both of them and took a deep breath. "It means that if we leave things alone, the chances of miscarriage will be much higher than for other women. But the biggest problem we have right now is that the bleeding is heavy and won't stop. We can medicate you to try and decrease the bleeding, or we can take surgical intervention now."

"A hysterectomy?"

"No. I actually think we can accomplish the same goal with a uterine ablation. It is a procedure that will remove the lining from your uterus, but you'd keep your uterus. It should decrease the blood flow enough that, hopefully, the fibroids won't continue to grow. It's much less painful, and there's a shorter recovery time."

Tris knew the answer to the question she was about to ask, but had to hear the answer out loud. "Does that mean I can't have kids?"

"I'm sorry, but that's correct. You wouldn't be able to."

Tears spilled down Tris's cheeks and she bit her lip. Tobias tugged on her hand, silently asking her to look at him; she wouldn't.

"Doctor, can we have a minute?" he asked.

Dr. Patel nodded. "You can think about it, Tris, but we should schedule it for this afternoon. I don't want you to wait too long or we run the risk of you hemorrhaging again. You are already severely anemic, and the medication we gave you to decrease the bleeding is only a temporary solution." She gave both of them a sad smile and left the room, closing the door gently behind her.

"I don't want to do it," she blurted out.

Tobias perched on the edge of the bed. "Tris, you can't go on like this. You heard the doctor, you're anemic and you could hemorrhage again."

"But, Tobias, we wanted to start a family. I want to give you that."

"Tris, you could miscarry, and that could put you in danger." Tobias struggled to keep his voice calm and even, but the thought that she would endanger herself had panic clawing at his throat. He knew he was breathing fast, and consciously tried to slow it down.

"It's worth the risk, isn't it?" she said. All should could think about were chubby little blue-eyed babies. She wanted that; oh God, how she wanted it.

Tobias stared at her, his blue eyes fierce. Tris didn't think she'd ever seen him turn that kind of look on her before. "Let's get something clear, Beatrice. If it came down to you or a possible kid, I'm going to choose you. If it came to your life or our baby's, I'm going to choose you. I need you to know that. I will not lose you."

Tris could see the honesty in his eyes. She'd known from the beginning of their relationship that Tobias loved her enough to be okay with whatever she decided about having children. He wasn't dying to have them, but he would have loved to have one with her. But, she couldn't risk her life for it. She didn't think Tobias could stand that.

"We can always adopt," he said.

"You'd be okay with that?" she asked, hopefulness creeping into her voice.

Tobias shrugged. "I don't need my own biological kid." He gave a humorless laugh. "Hell, with my fucked up family genes, it might be better that way." He leaned forward and brushed his lips across hers. "I love you, Tris. That's the most important thing."

Tris framed his face in her hands, pulling him to her so they could kiss again. "I can live with this, if you're with me."

"Always." He leaned his forehead against hers, and they both closed their eyes, drawing strength from each other's presence.

Tobias pulled back and scanned Tris's face. "Are we ready to call Dr. Patel in now and tell her our decision?"

Tris brushed the few remaining tears off her cheek with one hand, and squeezed Tobias's hand tightly with the other. She took in a deep breath, willing herself to be calm. She gazed steadily into Tobias's eyes and gave him a short nod. "Yeah, we're ready," she said, her voice strong. With Tobias by her side, she could face anything.


End file.
